I saw her again today.

And she was beautiful as ever.


So I just got home from my very first anime convention. (Yahoo, finally!) I've been a fan of various anime and manga series for so many years now and it's only today that I get to be in an actual anime convention. I totally missed out on a lot of things. But no, I'm not gonna talk about the convention itself. That can be summarized in a few words, really. Anime. Cosplayers. Merchs. Auction. Humans. Everywhere.

But there's a particular part of the convention that really caught my eye : the doujin group area. You give them a certain amount and they sketch (and/or color, depending on how much you gave) a drawing for you. All you need is a reference picture and you're good to go. Pretty neat! And they're all soooooooo good. Damn, I get shivers when I watch them. Their ability to "create" is humbling. Customers usually present pictures of their favorite anime character and have them drawn out, but I had another thing in mind.

I had to make them draw Amy.

Amy's the female protagonist of this Visual Novel entitled "Lifelines" that me and my friend's been trying to lift off from the ground for some time. We've tried working on it almost full time last summer but we didn't quite make the cut. Neither of us were really artists so the graphics part was also a problem. We did, however, receive some concept art  for Amy from my partner's friend, which were fantastic! I still remember the first time I saw them. The joy and excitement of seeing something that basically came from your head drawn and colored in real paper was overwhelming. After that, summer ended and we never really got to focus on Lifelines again.

I always thought, and still think, that majority of the blame why we're not achieving milestones on this project is me. Not that we're supposed to be blaming. (Blaming sounds like a really negative word, by the way.) It's just that I'm the one who pitched in the idea for story's initial concept and I'm supposed to be mainly in charge of the script. Up until now, I've only got bits and pieces of the story in my head. They're just always replaying on my head again and again and again. But at the end of the day, I've only got a few rough drafts penned down. Just thinking and thinking about it, but not actually getting it written down. It's always been like this for me and it's really disappointing. Along the way, my guts to actually continue this kind of just...faded away, I guess.

But when the artist finished her sketch of Amy and I got a good look at it, my heart just welled up with surreal happiness. It's very same excitement that I felt back when we received the very first concept art of Amy. Then in an instant, a tinge of shame crept in. Shame due to the fact that I'm actually overjoyed by someone else's work when I feel like I haven't done mine.

As of right now, Amy is nowhere near complete. But I'd be damned if I don't finish her and this whole project. I've become really attached to Amy, Max (the male protagonist) and everyone else in Lifelines (ok, not all of them. i'm not even sure of some them yet). Even though they're just pieces of my imagination, I feel the responsibility of bringing them to life. They all deserve to be molded into the amazing characters they're meant to be. Who knows how long this flame will burn and how it'll get rekindled when it dies down, but what's the use of worrying. I'll just keeping building Amy and the rest of the gang, one word at a time.

Vloggity

What the fck is a "vloggity"?

I don't know either.

But the idea of having vlog has been circling my head for some time now. Maybe I'm just bored. It's just that I've started watching a few vlog channels during this break and it seemed really fun. They talk about random stuff about their day which compile to an oddly entertaining video. Most of them do have legit content channels and videos, so the vlogs reflect how they're shooting these said content. Good stuff.

Though maintaining a vlog will get old really fast for me. Heck, I can't even maintain a steady stream of content in this blog. How will I maintain a steady content on the vlog? Besides, vlogs are for people who actually do something "fun" in their everyday lives. I won't say my currently lifestyle is something "vlog-worthy".

Maybe I'm just being hooked with all these independently-made content on YouTube. Making those videos must be so much fun. I can just imagine myself talking and acting in some (ok, most) of the videos. Aaaahh, that would be awesome. I just feel like making videos and/or being on them would totally be in my element. Then you get to interact with loving fans and collaborate with other YouTubers and all the cool sht. However, I'm still aware of hard work that gets pumped in each video. You don't go famous overnight. They do dedicate much of their time just to push out the videos every week or every day. Some even quitting their day jobs. (Mainly because YouTube has become their main source of income. How awesome is that?) Plus, you'll be dealing with the whole internet and all it's hateful citizens. I probably won't last long with all the bashing and flaming.

Plus, I won't be able to curse on video! Then the whole family would know that I cuss. Fluently. Oh, I can just imagine the kind of talk and emails I'd get from everyone hahahaha.

For a lack of other outlets...

...oh boy, here we go.

I'm starting to be in a position where my every move will cause ripples of unknown magnitude. It's scary stepping up to that spot, but I truly believe I have to be there. I just pray that I won't be so caught up on this. Sometimes I tend to be too immersed, which is exactly why I've held back on being involved for some time. But this time, I'd rather get on the train than be a simple bystander.

Scatterbrain 2

I've got a bunch of things stocked up in my head (or at least I'd like to think so. we'll see. XD) and making a post about each one of them would be time-consuming. So I'll just dump and lump them all together in another Scatterbrain post! (TADA! *cue music*) This post will mostly encompass the events that happened over this week. So...yeah. Let's do it!

1. I'm really really really proud of my friends. They've accomplished such a feat and they deserve the glory and praise they're getting. But as the cliche phrase goes, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow it creates. I feel like a bad person for harboring negative feelings about the whole event. Ok, just to clarify. I'm not harboring negative feelings toward them. I just feel like I'm getting left behind in this whole "life" thing. They're all moving forward and excelling in what we do. And then there's me, seemingly stuck in that spot as I watch their backs get smaller and smaller from my perspective. It frustrates me that I'm not making any significant strides in what I chose to do.

2. It's so refreshing to see you being assertive. And because of that, things are finally picking up speed for both of you. You look so good together. Ask anyone we know, they'd say the same thing. We're all rooting for you. Oh, but don't feel pressured. We're all just excited (or at least I am) for you two. :D

3. I feel good about this week. Maybe because I've accomplished all the things I needed to do before the break. All the plans I had, I was able to pull them off (most of them). I'd like to think I made good decisions this week, whether it be the ones that I've pondered about for some time or the ones that I made right there and then. I stand by everything that I did. Of course, it's not all fun and games. I've had my fair share of hardships and misfortune, but it just makes everything else sparkle brighter.

4. I understand the feeling of not being able to say the words cramped up in your chest. The feeling of desperation when no one's there to sincerely listen without judging. I get it. That's why I want to listen to people. I want them to feel that there's someone they can trust their deepest feelings with. I want to lighten their burden somehow. I care deeply for the people around me. I hope in my littlest of ways, you can feel that.

5. Why do you like taking pictures that tease mo so much! GAHD! You just keep getting hotter and hotter! Back when we were still in high school and now that we're in college...HOT DAMN!

6. I'm so glad we're beginning to be close. One of my goals before was actually to be good friends with you and I'm really happy to see it becoming a reality. I always knew you make a good friend and I was not wrong. Please know that you are an amazing person and I love your company. Thanks! Never hesitate to approach me for anything. I'll support you to the best of my abilities.

7. Spending time with you guys may have been one of the best decisions I've made so far. I'll admit, I was intimidated before so I can't bring myself to hang out with you. You guys seemed so tight that there's no more space for me to squeeze myself in. Thank you for proving me wrong.

8. I'm greatly disappointed in you. I really hope you pull yourself together. Don't be like this. Things are becoming more and more hostile. Please grow a pair and accept the fact right in front of your face. I know it's not easy, but come on man. She deserves better than this, and you know it.

9. I wanted to see you so bad. I still do. Hurr, if I wasn't too tired that day, I would've pushed through, but hurr. I hope I'll get to see you before this year ends.

10. Theater workshop was concluded a couple of weeks ago. What an experience it has been. I've learned so much, not just in acting, but in life as a whole. I'll deeply miss my co-participants. Just when we were starting to be close, it all ended. Man...

11. I'll miss holding your hand. Your soft, tiny hands. I've become accustomed to your touch and warmth. It was hard to let go. I wish I could have hugged you for one last time. Not an on-stage hug. A real, warm hug.

12. Changes are coming. I can feel it! It's not yet New Year's eve, I know. We don't even know if we're gonna make it to 2013. (And no, I don't believe in the December 21 B.S. hahaha) But meh! A new year, a new energy. Hopefully, this coming year will be an even bigger blast!

13. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, DEAR READER!

14. (and for those who don't celebrate Christmas) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

15. (and for those who don't feel the holiday spirit) ...suit your effing selves. :))

OVERWHELMED

I've pretty much abandoned the blog for a few weeks now due to laziness several relevant and totally acceptable reasons, but now I come back...OVERWHELMED.

Today marks the end of my last 2012 school week. I've simply pushed through this week, eyes dead straight on the break, not stopping to look. But now that I've come home, sitting comfortably in my couch, the fact that this week has been one of the craziest weeks in my immediate memory sinks in. SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED I JUST CAN"T CONTAIN IT ALL HENCE THIS POST HURRRRR GRAAAAAAH!!!

I'll collect myself first and write all about it (this'll be a long-ass post, i'm sure) in a while.