I doubt there's anyone in my immediate network that's creepily thinking about other people's crap till late at night. I hope I'm wrong, though. It would be nice to know if there's at least another person "near" me with the same unnecessary habit of worrying about other people; the same itch we can't scratch.
There's just people that don't deserve the crap they're experiencing. They're all such great humans!
ESPECIALLY YOU!
Goddammit!
Oftentimes I just want to hug you, then I realize it would be too weird to ask for a hug out of the blue, so I settle for patting you on the head. Then I realize that's just a slightly weirder version of a hug.
BUT GAH!
I feel like it's the only thing I can do. As I am right now, I'm incapable of understanding the depths of your pain and sadness. I don't have enough confidence in my words being able to reach you, especially through such thick barriers that you've put up. I can only hope that, at the very least, my sincerity can be transmitted through my touch.
The only thing I have that think might help you is my presence.
And willingness to listen.
If ever you would want to be heard.
So let me sit here for a while.
And creepily think about your crap.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
One Giant Mess
Phew. I finally managed to dig myself up from the pile of schoolwork I've been buried on since my last post. To be fair, I'm not doing acads /all the time/, but in those times, I'd be too tired to do blogs. (Seriously, why do I always feel the need to explain why I haven't posted anything in a while every time I miss out. hahaha)
ANYWAY.
(So, ugh. I just deleted the whole block of text that used to be in here. Why am I saying so? Uhm...because I want to be...transparent? Wut? Wut?)
It's a few days away from Valentine's day, so let's try having a theme for once :
Mushroom Hats.
...
Ok, I didn't really know what I was going for with that one. But really, let's talk about love (in a less negative light) for a little bit.
I'm not the best person when it comes to creatively expressing the inner depths of my soul. I'm quite fascinated by people who can. They keep finding more and more ways on how to release and interpret the tangle of emotions coursing through they're hearts, especially on the topic of love. Oh, love! One will be buried with all the love-based content getting churned out in the blogs alone. While that's all well and good as they're able to squeeze out their emotional/creative juices, sometimes things just get a little bit...messy.
Or that's just me being not as deep as other people.
Sometimes, I feel like the idea of "love" has become more confusing than ever. With the way love has been interpreted and expressed over and over again, it got twisted and tangled and transformed into this scary, lonely, overly complicated albeit inescapable shroud of mystery that everyone's caught up in. I'm not one to say that love is the simplest thing in the world. It's such a difficult component of life. But I can't help thinking, "Shouldn't love be a little simpler than all this?"
Whenever a person thinks about love, it starts out as this single ball of light and warmth that you cradle in your palm. Then, it bursts like the cliche firework analogy. Thousands of colors. Yehey. But with all the fanfare one can easily get caught up in the endless possibilities, and later on, consequences that love entail. After all, some of the most difficult emotions and situations to handle are intertwined with love. Problems based or related to love usually spawns out more and more problems the more you try to get out. Super fcked up. Due to the nature of love as being so addicting, other people will naturally get drawn to your love problems. Even in it's cruelest form, love still manages attract people towards you. These people now flood you with all sorts of opinions (all of which you take in without prejudice because you believe everyone's opinion has value) about your current situation. As these conflicting ideals clump up in your head, the tiny cracks of doubt you have on your own beliefs start to get pressure. You justify your beliefs, but his simply makes more sense. Hers too. And hers. And his. And theirs. Everyone's thoughts makes sense! GAHD! Without being able to do anything, the wall just crumbles and buries you, along with that single ball of light cupped in your hand.
>So what exactly are you going for with THAT one? You just showed an example of how messy love can be.
-Yeah. The total opposite of the point I'm trying to make. UGH! Fck this! Love is one big clusterfck!
Wait! No! I have to make my case! >.<
Before being overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of love, I'd like to think there's always something we can do about it. Something we can hold on to. I'd like to believe that we can always hold on to that single ball of light and focus our energy onto it. Then whatever confusing, meta-physical obstacle love throws at you, you won't get lost.
The way to do that outside of the metaphorical context is to affirm your sincerity.
Sincerity, not only towards your love interest, but towards yourself and your own feelings.
Sometimes, we get clouded by all the negativity of love that we tend to forget our own feelings, in its simplest form : without all the "but's".
"I admire her but I don't think she's too far from my reach."
"I like him but he might think I'm weird because it's the girl making the move."
"I like her but all the other guys chasing her are so much better than me."
"I love her but there's always something or someone getting in our way."
Bulllsht.
Go back the the simplest form of your feelings; go back to that single ball of light and warmth. Disregard for a moment your doubts, your fears, your insecurities. Be sincere with yourself; acknowledge your purest emotions and bask in the comfort and liberation coming from the mere acceptance of your own feelings. Once you remember the origin of your emotions, that's where you pull your purpose, courage and determination from. Whatever you need to clear through the darkness created by your own mind and the situation you're in, pull it from that single, sincere emotion that you bear. From then on, your path will become brighter, so much brighter.
It's just so saddening to see a lot of people be agonized by love. Even though I acknowledge the difficulties that this powerful emotion has chained with it, I still believe in love as being the best source of happiness in this world, in whatever form you want to experience it from. If we can only go back to the simple, yet pure, moments of happiness, then maybe we'd realize that all this clusterfck we're experiencing is worth it.
ANYWAY.
(So, ugh. I just deleted the whole block of text that used to be in here. Why am I saying so? Uhm...because I want to be...transparent? Wut? Wut?)
It's a few days away from Valentine's day, so let's try having a theme for once :
Mushroom Hats.
...
Ok, I didn't really know what I was going for with that one. But really, let's talk about love (in a less negative light) for a little bit.
I'm not the best person when it comes to creatively expressing the inner depths of my soul. I'm quite fascinated by people who can. They keep finding more and more ways on how to release and interpret the tangle of emotions coursing through they're hearts, especially on the topic of love. Oh, love! One will be buried with all the love-based content getting churned out in the blogs alone. While that's all well and good as they're able to squeeze out their emotional/creative juices, sometimes things just get a little bit...messy.
Or that's just me being not as deep as other people.
Sometimes, I feel like the idea of "love" has become more confusing than ever. With the way love has been interpreted and expressed over and over again, it got twisted and tangled and transformed into this scary, lonely, overly complicated albeit inescapable shroud of mystery that everyone's caught up in. I'm not one to say that love is the simplest thing in the world. It's such a difficult component of life. But I can't help thinking, "Shouldn't love be a little simpler than all this?"
Whenever a person thinks about love, it starts out as this single ball of light and warmth that you cradle in your palm. Then, it bursts like the cliche firework analogy. Thousands of colors. Yehey. But with all the fanfare one can easily get caught up in the endless possibilities, and later on, consequences that love entail. After all, some of the most difficult emotions and situations to handle are intertwined with love. Problems based or related to love usually spawns out more and more problems the more you try to get out. Super fcked up. Due to the nature of love as being so addicting, other people will naturally get drawn to your love problems. Even in it's cruelest form, love still manages attract people towards you. These people now flood you with all sorts of opinions (all of which you take in without prejudice because you believe everyone's opinion has value) about your current situation. As these conflicting ideals clump up in your head, the tiny cracks of doubt you have on your own beliefs start to get pressure. You justify your beliefs, but his simply makes more sense. Hers too. And hers. And his. And theirs. Everyone's thoughts makes sense! GAHD! Without being able to do anything, the wall just crumbles and buries you, along with that single ball of light cupped in your hand.
>So what exactly are you going for with THAT one? You just showed an example of how messy love can be.
-Yeah. The total opposite of the point I'm trying to make. UGH! Fck this! Love is one big clusterfck!
Wait! No! I have to make my case! >.<
Before being overwhelmed by the sheer complexity of love, I'd like to think there's always something we can do about it. Something we can hold on to. I'd like to believe that we can always hold on to that single ball of light and focus our energy onto it. Then whatever confusing, meta-physical obstacle love throws at you, you won't get lost.
The way to do that outside of the metaphorical context is to affirm your sincerity.
Sincerity, not only towards your love interest, but towards yourself and your own feelings.
Sometimes, we get clouded by all the negativity of love that we tend to forget our own feelings, in its simplest form : without all the "but's".
"I admire her but I don't think she's too far from my reach."
"I like him but he might think I'm weird because it's the girl making the move."
"I like her but all the other guys chasing her are so much better than me."
"I love her but there's always something or someone getting in our way."
Bulllsht.
Go back the the simplest form of your feelings; go back to that single ball of light and warmth. Disregard for a moment your doubts, your fears, your insecurities. Be sincere with yourself; acknowledge your purest emotions and bask in the comfort and liberation coming from the mere acceptance of your own feelings. Once you remember the origin of your emotions, that's where you pull your purpose, courage and determination from. Whatever you need to clear through the darkness created by your own mind and the situation you're in, pull it from that single, sincere emotion that you bear. From then on, your path will become brighter, so much brighter.
It's just so saddening to see a lot of people be agonized by love. Even though I acknowledge the difficulties that this powerful emotion has chained with it, I still believe in love as being the best source of happiness in this world, in whatever form you want to experience it from. If we can only go back to the simple, yet pure, moments of happiness, then maybe we'd realize that all this clusterfck we're experiencing is worth it.
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