I don't know what happened to my last entry. I was supposed to write about something...let's say more personal. Notice I've been using "I" in the first paragraph, then I started using "you" on the succeeding ones. I wasn't exactly planning on writing about routines and signals (which I wasn't that aware before the time of its writing XD). I wanted to write about how unproductive I've been feeling and how my daily life seem to lack a certain amount of thrill and excitement. Instead, I ended up writing about my baseless opinion on why you're not lifting up that pen and answering your homework.
To be honest, when I started writing my previous entry, I didn't know what I exactly it is that I want to write about. I just knew that I was feeling inexplicably bored and unproductive and that it didn't feel right. How exactly am I going to describe the depth of the gap in my heart and what I think about when it just wasn't in me. I don't know where exactly I want to take content of the entry.
So being goalless and directionless right from the beginning, I spouted out words and ideas that weren't exactly on the top of my head while I was writing. All I knew was that I have to follow up the last sentence that I wrote. That I have to keep the topic, whatever it has become, alive. I guess I don't dislike being lost on my own words like that. To a certain extent, I got to explain to myself that things that I have been thinking about in the past. Things I've been bothered about. Questions I didn't know the answer to. And problems I didn't know how to solve. All the answer seems to be sleeping just inside me. And it is in these directionless walking of the fingers that I get to dig up those answers. It's pretty amazing. Like there's another person inside you guiding you, yet that person is still you. Self-exploration is an amazing feature our brains have. It can be activated and invoked in a bunch of different manners. And thank goodness for blogging that I get to engage on such a journey.
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