Countertext

It's one of the terms from the workshop that really stuck in my head. Not because it's a concept that's entirely new to me. I know I've been doing it from time to time. Everyone does. But actually knowing the formal term for an idea, concept or action has a great impact on me. For one thing, it establishes that fact that it actually exists. You get to expand your perception of the concept from others that're familiar with it. After some time, you'll be able to tell if someone is using said idea.

Saying something when you actually mean or feel the opposite.

(or at least, that's how i understand it)

I might have been hiding in the temporary comfort of countertext to run away from certain emotions I'd rather not have. I've tried using silence for some time, but I noticed it's affecting how interact with other people that's not, in any way, concerned. They might be thinking I'm being a snob or a jerk. I wouldn't want them to think I hate them. I don't. If anything, I need them to distract me from all this more than ever.

Silence also lets me dwell on the problem and inevitably blow it up to unreasonable proportions in my head, which is always a bad thing. If I verbalize that everything's ok and that I'm psyched for the current development, I get people to believe that I'm happy -- I get to delude myself that I'm happy.

When everything's going so perfectly for other people, you simply can't come flat out and say, "Hey, your happiness is really hurting me." Everyone deserves to be happy, and I for one will not intentionally ruin anyone's happiness, or at least try my best not to do so.

Being destructive won't get me anywhere, anyway. I'd rather support than destroy. I'd rather hide in countertext than run my mouth and make everything complicated for everyone. I don't want to be an unnecessary worry.



So cheers to you guys! You are awesome people deserving of the things you have and will have. Just go for it, both of you! Hahaha! I wish you the best of luck. I'm so happy for you! :)