It's been a while.

Psh. A few days short of a week can be barely called "a while". Guess I've been writing here too much that it seems like it's been such a long time since I've written anything here. There's a number of reasons why that's happening (though as always, I'm not even sure myself hahaha)

Maybe it's because somewhere in the back of my head, I'm unconsciously upholding that "promise" I made when I said I want to write about the things that actually matter and about the things that I've given much thought about. There's also something about lessening those random bursts of emotion thrown in the mix. I felt the blog was getting really whiny, so I tried steering away from those kind of posts. The stuff I've been encountering and feeling for the past couple of days were basically just duplicates of the things I've already written about here. Mere reiterations. If I write about them again, I'll just feel like I'm pathetically whining.

Another reason is, well, a reason I can't really elaborate on. Hahahaha, I'm so sorry. Just certain stuff. I know I said I'd continue using this blog, but I can't help but hold back. Especially when the emotions fueling those would-be posts are so...inappropriate. It's so unfair for you. I don't want to dwell on those things cause I'm afraid it'd spark up unnecessary worry. Then unnecessary conflict. I'm sorry for holding back. For always holding back recently. I can't help it. I feel scared.

Another good guess ties up neatly with the second one. I want to banish those inappropriate emotions. And one such method that I know is by not thinking about it, much less blog about it. It's the total opposite of what I used to do. I always wanted to release. To dwell on it, then cast it all away from the bottom up. It just feels so rough having to go through all that. I'm tired of it. I just want to skim over it and be done with it. I want to try distracting myself away from you  these inappropriate feelings.

Lastly, I just want to remain happy during November and December. Or at least, seemingly happy. Not that I'm not. I really am. I just feel like blogging about something sad would tarnish the general mood that I want to create.







It's just tiring bottling it all up. And feeling restrained in my own blog is really frustrating. Well, whatever. This serves as the hole where the steam of bad vibes can escape. Good vibes, come to me! Good vibes! Good viiiiiibes! :D