It sucks.

It sucks that I don't get to talk to you anymore. I've pretty much realized I'm at fault for what's happening and challenging you in a staring contest is probably the worst decision I've made by far. I mean, I should know better than anyone just how stubborn you can be. You've told me stories after stories about it. But then what? What comes after I raise the white flag? We'd talk like we used to? Probably. No. It won't be the same. We'll be careful of the topics we bring up. I'll be able to talk to you but I won't know what you're really thinking and feeling since asking about it will eventually lead up to "that". To "him". Which will suck just as much as not being to talk to you.

So what does this mean? Which ever choice I take, it'll suck all the same. The mere thought of this inescapable loop is so sad.

For what it's worth, I'm not mad that you don't like me. Neither am I mad that you like him. I'm just irritated by how unfair the world is. How the very feeling that made me smile during hard times and helped me focus when everything seems so chaotic is the same feeling that kills me whenever I see your picture in my list of online contacts yet I can't bring myself to click it and say "Hey, what's up?". How giving my most sincere feelings yields me hardly anything. How you I sulk for you while you cry for him.

If you're seeing this, hopefully you've done what I told you to do when we last talked. Grow a pair! Tell him you like him already, dammit. At least one of us will be happy. He does seem to like you, as well. I've told you that already, anyway. And you did say others told you that, as well.

I know you're going through some tough times. Though I can barely count the times that you're not. But this time is different. This time around, I don't have the slightest of idea on what's happening. I can't even, at the very least, stand beside you while you cry. Right now, I can only hope you're hanging on. Please be alright. If you're still reading up to this point, I want you to know I'm sorry. You're stubbornness must have rubbed off on me, so I'll probably put this stupid act up. But I'm really worried about you. Really worried. I can't tell you that, though. Man, I'm so full of contradictions at this point.

Ah,whatever.