Walking the stretch from the church to the main school is not such a familiar experience for me, even though I spent 4 years of my life in that school. Like I've said in my previous post, I took the school bus back then and it usually goes around and comes in from the other side of the school. The rocky side of the school. That's why I rarely take the cemented road going to in, which I find odd considering that it's the "proper" or "main" way to go inside. The only times that I remember going through here are when I have to go to school during a weekend when there's no school bus available, whenever I wake up late, miss the bus and have to take the tricycle to school, and during the 3 commencement exercises and graduation. All of those times, I'm too preoccupied to notice the things around me, all for different reasons.
I see through the windows a room full of worshipers. They were having some sort of meeting, though I can't hear them through my earphones. Not that I wanted to eavesdrop anyway. I continue walking until I reached the parking lot that divides the church from the school. It's usually filled with cars and school buses, but tonight, it's as empty as everything else. I've seen the new facade of the school before so I didn't bother looking at it again. More importantly, I scoped if someone was looking at me from the guard house. I don't want to be surprised nor chased out by anyone. Nope. No one seems to be alarmed of my presence. A black dog a few meters away was sleeping. Even he was not alarmed. I sat at one of the islands that acted like huge pots for the trees. I'm sure there's a term for them that I don't know. Relaxing. Sip of coffee float.
Ahhh. Breathe in. Breath out. Ahhh.
"GRR!! RARFRARF!"
The sudden loud bark took my by surprise. It was that black dog that was sleeping earlier. For some reason, he woke up and that reason is probably me. Now, I don't usually understand what a dog, or any animal, wants to say when they bark, but this time, I understand perfectly what he wanted to lay across.
"And who the hell do you think you are?"
"I'm--"
"I dun care! You ain't gotta be here on mah turf, so you get yo skinny ass outta here!"
"Well, I jus--"
"You wanna take me on, foo? You wanna go? Huh?!", he moved closer.
"Ok, fine. Sheesh."
"Yeah, you better be walkin' outta here! Shoo! Shoo!"
He kept barking at me as I walked out. I wasn't done looking around and I'm not gonna let some dog order me around, so I made my way to the church's "front door". I'm not really sure if it's the front door. It just seems like it. It had that huge two-door entrance and a large open area with a fountain in the middle. I've never visited this part of the church (since I rarely go to church), so I was pretty excited. Fountain in the night. Kinda romantic. The few light posts that were up coupled with the bright half moon shining above illuminates the area.
"Now this, THIS, is nice."
A knee-high divider separates the elevated part from the rest of the open space. Needless to say, I had to sit on the divider. I placed my coffee float on the base of the mini pillar beside me. I flailed around my legs, amused that it's not touching the ground no matter what I do. I look around and no one was there, except for the eagerly bright half moon above me. I stared at it for some time and eventually, I got tired of looking up. That's when I had an idea. I looked back at the guard house for a quick check. No one was looking. Nobody's around.
"Yeah, it'll work." I confirmed to myself. I moved the coffee float further away from me, pulled my feet up and positioned myself on to the thin, slightly curved "bed". Slowly, I laid my head back, trying to maintain my balance, my hands gripping on both sides of the ledge so that I won't fall off disastrously. Eventually, my neck hits something. The base of the mini pillar my coffee float used to be in. It made a perfect pillow on my make shift bed! Straight in my view is the bright half moon.
"Best. Idea. Ever."
With time, I got used to lying down the thin stone divider so I let go of the ledge and placed my hands neatly on my stomach. I basked on the sight of the moon and the starry night sky it was in. Cold wind brushes from my side, passing through my whole body. I increased the volume of my music player and closed my eyes. I was lost in the waves of music and wind. Two songs went by in a flash while I had my eyes shut, but I got scared that I might fall asleep if I continue. I opened my eyes and immediately turned to the guard house. Ok, I'm good. I didn't go back to taking a nap, but I continued lying there. I couldn't care less what time it was already.
Along with the clear, dark sky, my mind cleared up as well. There was nothing that disturbed me, nothing at all. Everything was calm and steady. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace. I've been through a lot of stress lately, mainly because of my own useless thoughts. I blamed it all to me being home alone for such a long time without anyone to talk to. Negativity swirled around and around my head. It was like a rat running around and I couldn't catch it, let alone kill it. I used to love the feeling of solitude, of some alone time, but lately, I felt like it destroyed me even more.
Turns out, the peace of mind I was yearning for can't be found inside the walls of my house and in front of the computer. I had to go out, somewhere further away, to find real solitude, real peace. Where the darkness is a friend. Where your thoughts can get carried away by the chilling wind and scattered about the boundless expanse of the land. Where the scale of the universe is not scary and where being alone doesn't mean being lonely. We all have that place somewhere in this world. Sometimes, we may already be in it, but we can't be in it until we change our perspective. Other times, we have to take the long way back, brave through dark and scary tunnels, face the terror of an unknown future, mourn for a shattered past and stand firm in the reality of the present. If you keep walking, tirelessly until your soles hurt, I'm sure you'll eventually reach that place. Then for just a few moments, you can stop walking. You can rest and you'll realize that this, this is the meaning of it all. And it was worth it. As for me, that place was back there, in front of my Alma Mater's church and under the blessing of the bright half moon's light.
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